Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
