I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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