i just wanna soil my oats bro
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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