This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
