My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It was confusing and full of hummus
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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