This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
