Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
