I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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