the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
