I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
