I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
