my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
