took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
