Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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