it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
