I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
