Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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