id be glad to
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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