I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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