I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
