I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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