We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
third nipple confirmed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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