I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
