'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
