I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
