2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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