he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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