I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
