We're facebook friends in real life
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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