just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
