My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
