So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
