cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
