I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
sick fucks of a feather flock together
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
