I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
