My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
