Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dick very happy bro
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
