Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
