Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
