For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
