You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
