I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
high people should be assigned attendants
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
