the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
