My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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