I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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