and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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