so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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