I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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