You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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