Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
