Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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